How I Learnt To Enjoy My Own Company
Dear reader,
As I write my first post today, I think about what I want to share with the world the most.
I took a few deep breaths, and the scent of my lavender candle helped to clear my mind and ease my anxiety about writing on the spur of the moment.
This was something I really wanted to do right now. I've noticed how quickly time seems to pass lately, and I know that if I don't do this now, I might never, which would be a shame because I believe that everyone has a unique story to tell, and mine will be lost.
So I decided to write about how I learned to appreciate my own company.
I believe I am half extrovert and half introvert; the distinction is as clear as day. Especially when I need the entire weekend or at least half of it to recover from a Friday night party.
Anyway, getting back to the topic, most evenings I enjoy spending time at home in my comfortable bed doing whatever makes me happy. This is when I realized I was doing something wrong: I wanted me time, but I filled it with "sounds," which were distracting. I couldn't hear myself and they were draining at times. These sounds were mostly made by people; I enjoy one-on-one deep conversations, and while they are soul satisfying, they also require a lot of energy and thought process. So my introverted side was suffering because I was too tired to think after such discussions and therefore would usually end up doom-scrolling and drifting off to sleep.
This was not at all what I had envisioned and hoped for in my alone time. I wanted to feel sustained by myself, to revitalise and nourish my spirit. Instead, I was seeking to take energy from others while sharing my own, but this is often a path to destruction because not everyone wants to provide equal energy; most people only want to consume, so I could see why I was so exhausted and sad.
So, for the past month, I've been doing things a little differently. First, I've been keeping track of my energy levels after interactions with people, and when I felt like I was getting nothing in return, I decided to take a step back. It was hard at first, I love giving and I felt like I was holding back my second nature but after a while, I began to reap the benefits when I was able to do things for myself that I could never do before.
Guess what! I started to draw self portraits and I spent hours learning how to draw the shape of my lips, they had always made me feel insecure but by the end of my portrait I learnt to appreciate their uniqueness. I learnt to dress better and put together outfits based on my mood that day, it was magical, I felt like I was wearing my self confidence and it helped me stay productive and happy with my look throughout the day. Mirrors made me smile. My friends and family were complimenting me quite often. I spent more time grocery shopping and cooking, which are two of my favourite chores, I find them very calming and rewarding. The most unexpected benefit was that I started to lose weight because I was more conscious of my meals and always made sure they were nutritious and tasty. Making food from scratch and finally artfully plating them is meditative for me. I photograph them beautifully, and I hope to be able to write these recipes down on my blog so that you can try them out and let me know how they turned out.
I live 45 minutes from university, so my commute time translates to podcast listening time. It feels great to concentrate on one thing. You should give Tim Ferris a listen. I like his content because it has a well-balanced structure and adequately satisfies my intellectual and emotional curiosity. When I consume something, it has a strong influence on me, so if you're like me, I'd advise you to be aware of who and what you're listening to. Not everyone wishes you well, and not every life hack is intended for you. Listen, experiment, and allow yourself to fail.
Finally, I've been keeping a journal and taking notes of my learnings, which I hope to present here for both you and for me. As a result, we can both grow and learn together.
That's all for this week. Special thanks to my best friend for setting a reminder on the TickTick app to work on the blog. You are the reason this post happened.
Ciao ciao.
Sincerely, Lykha.